Oh Edward, why do you test me so?

So here I am again, feeling pretentious with a coffee and my Mac, sitting in a lovely place called Hugh's, just across from Kwik-Fit, wondering what the most recent assault on my wallet will be.

Today is the day that Edward may be getting a new exhaust, or maybe a muffler, or hopefully someone will agree to tack on a bit of metal and we can continue on our merry clunking way.

While Edward has treated me rather well I fear that my rash decision making may well have landed me in a spot of financial bother. Dear Edward cost me a mere £700 pounds with a mileage of 70,000 miles, plus there was a fifty quid sat-nav, one of those round tubs of sweeties and even half a roll of toilet paper thrown into the bargain! Since December last year I feel there hasn't been a month where I've not shelled out for something.

Those who know me very well will know of my obsession with spreadsheets, sheets for expenditure, sheets for income, sheets for cycle mileage, sheets for Edward, etc. And while it's interesting to note that the average amount I spent per month on clothes increased by 67.07% between 2009 and 2010, and again by 54.18% between 2010 and 2011, it doesn't really make me an interesting person...

Where was I?

Edward has cost me more in repairs and tax than he initially cost. First we have the £70 replacement window when some dickheads stole my favourite pair of gloves, a woollen blanket and my sat-nav. Then £264 for a set of new front springs, £100 for new tyres,  £275 sweet pounds for a newly MOT worthy car and whatever costs today brings. I'm wondering if I would be forking out the same for a newer car or if I've really just shot myself in the foot by jumping at the first car I liked?

It's okay Edward, I still love you.

A More Prosaic Curriculum Vitae

I went for a ride today. My two-wheeled demon of delight delivered me through the forests of Templeton, over root and through mud, my smile grew. An explosion of brush up ahead drew my attention and I took a moment to relish in the sight of a deer bounding through the trees before saying- 'Alright, let's race!'

Despite how silly it sounds I'm often interrupted mid-ride by all manner of animals that I had previously forgot reside so close to the city. It prompts childish excitement and wonderment, but then exercise does the weirdest things to people.

Seven months ago I left my job at Debenhams for one of the weirdest opportunities I'd come across, a few posts ago you may remember my indefatigable enthusiasm and confidence for the new job I was proudly strutting into. What I was yet to realise was the powerful yet dishonest role that confidence has in life. Oddly enough I met more people who'd gone through the same desire for work that was unhealthily combined with low self-esteem.

Cheerfully I can look back and realise just how positive the learning curve was. Getting into the office at ten, dreading the effort of the facade and willing myself to be a bright, energetic and a positive salesperson. Running through cul-de-sacs, smart shoes pounding the pavement as my Red-Cross bib flaps in the wind, thinking about how positively I can introduce myself at the next door. Running back to a bus as seven wondering if all that lying was worth the fifty quid I might have earned that day. Getting back to the office for another few hours of repeating their brainwashing mantras: '5 Steps to a Conversation' and all the other shite. I really miss getting home at eleven mentally and phyiscally exhausted, convinced that this was excellent, confident, inspiring work that in no way involved me pretending I was someone I wasn't.

So there I was fighting with myself. Would it be worth acting as someone else, learning to deceive myself for the possibility of £150 a day, my own business in just under a year, convincing people to take out direct debits for charities, utilities and whatever else is worth the efforts of this Pyramid Scheme madness. I know I'm overly dramatic but ultimately I feel it really healthy to have been so drastically exposed to something I was not expecting and something that seemingly influenced me so strongly.

Most importantly I came out of it positively. Sure, the day I quit I lay in bed, I cried, I relished the ability to just sit down all day and choose to do something and have the time to do anything without desiring my bed!

A few days later I'd got sick of my laziness and struck out with my new found confidence. To bolster my self esteem I headed back to St Andrews, having worked there before I figured that if I was to work in a service industry, I might as well aim for kindly customers. I walked confidently around the small city garnering positive response after positive response. And then I walked into BlackHorn where Storm, yes Storm, basically hired me on the spot. After a short interview the next day which essentially confirmed how much I would be getting paid and how many hours I could work a week I was all set!

So now I manage a small eatery that makes the best burgers I've ever eaten and hires the best colleagues I've ever worked with. It's challenging in the right ways and it has a lot of scope for expansion and a development of my own understanding of a small business. Oh and I just got a pay rise... Happy Days!