Tomorrow I start a new job. I feel the need for a fanfare here...
As the strings section build tension and excitement, the trumpets enter majestically and musical elation accompanies me as I leave the doors of Debenhams, strip from my eleven month cocoon of a plain restaurant uniform and lo!
I am revealed as a beautiful butterfly of direct sales, dressed to the nines in my new suit accentuated beautifully by a new tie...
Only to discover I'm actually naked in Dundee city centre, cheered (or should that be jeered) by the fine residents of this Scottish city.
As I finish my last shift I'm full of trepidation and nervous excitement, somewhat sad to leave the routines I've become so adept at, the monotonous repetition of retail-speak I have become so fluent and, most importantly, sad to be leaving some excellent friendships I've built along the way.
I'm elated though: I'm leaving behind many hours of pointless stress and frustration that has plagued the job almost since the start and I'm leaving several acquaintances that I've endured rather than enjoyed. Finally the No-Through-Road signs that sat next to my name-badge can now be banished as I step forward into something that might actually have development at its core.
I also move out of retail and into sales. While my new colleagues seem more fitted to an American sit-com, I may enjoy the occasional high-five and use the endless pep-talks to my advantage. I can certainly look forward to a challenge, a growing confidence and thick skin, a better understanding of keeping myself mentally positive and of course, a lot of healthy walking in the beautiful Scottish weather.
My overzealous acceptance of a new job anywhere but retail may have landed me in a tempest of ridiculous hours and overtly confident colleagues but I'm confident that the knowledge and experience I will garner will outweigh my very likely exhaustion.
Despite reading many negative discussion surrounding my new style of work I am determined not to feel corraled into staying and view my time as I crop I simply need to reap the profits of experience from.
To understand why I am justifying this so completely to my dear readers (and myself), I shall explain my new job from alternate personalities...
Percy Pessimist would say 'You'll be traipsing from door to door in the arse-end of the worst areas of every town and city in shitty weather getting doors slammed in your face, threatened with knives that have been intimate with internal organs on far too many occasions. Oh, and your bosses with continue to dangle a carrot just out reach before admonishing you for neither being tall enough, nor trying hard enough to jump high enough for it.'
Oliver Optimist will tell you that 'Here is an opportunity to excel. Entrepreneurs don't give up when they can't reach a goal, they beg, barter and steal a ladder to climb, and when that ladder breaks they will climb upon the corpses of those who have fallen before them. They will succeed no matter the odds. When you dream of being a millionaire, you can't let the common muck with no motivation hook their barbs into you and drag you down into the murky depths of dole and mediocrity. This is not a job. This is a career. This is a lifestyle.
Juice!!!
(Join us in creating excellence! or expansion. Whichever you prefer).
Percy tells you more about the job, but he ignores the simple fact that every hour I am outside my comfort zone I will be gaining experience, from both good and bad outcomes, that I can carry with me on my next leg of life. And Oliver is a lying shit, spouting manipulative garbage that is meant to motivate and keep you happy as you spend ridiculous hours reaching for a carrot that you'll never get to stir fry. Unless you don't mind heart-attacks at 26 and a sense of self-belief that Icarus would be wary of.
Despite my own admonishment I'm still convinced it's a worthwhile expedition into the unknown. I can't sit comfortably forever. And that is where I think this endeavour has sprung from: with a failing confidence in the (admittedly vague) plans I had for my post-University life and a complete lack of faith in any direction I half-heartedly turned my attention to, I have been meandering through the last six months, working a pointlessly stressful minimum wage job during the day and drinking too much while loathing in self-pity because I wasn't doing anything to try and get out of the situation I was in. I must admit that this was punctuated often and brilliantly with the exclamation marks of days spent with my girlfriend. Nonetheless, a few hours back in the restaurant was enough to pitch me back into the cul-de-sac of crappy thoughts.
So, head up, shoulders strong, I'm marching into a new job. And you'll be sure to hear more about it here.
Roll on tomorrow.
